Jonathan Swift's "Resolutions—When I Come to Be Old":

• Not to Marry a young Woman.
• Keep young Company unless they reely desire it.
• Be peevish or morose, or suspicious.
• Scorn present Ways, or Wits, or Fashions, or Men, or War, &c.
• Be fond of Children, or let them come near me hardly.
• Tell the same Story over and over to the same People.
• Be covetous.
• Neglect decency, or cleenlyness, for fear of falling into Nastyness.
• Be over severe with young People, but give Allowances for their youthfull follyes, and Weeknesses.
• Be influenced by, or give ear to knavish tatling Servants, or others.
• Be too free of advise nor trouble any but those that desire it.
• Desire some good Friends to inform me which of these Resolutions I break, or neglect, & wherein; and reform accordingly.
• Talk much, nor of my self.
• Boast of my former beauty, or strength, or favor with Ladyes, &c.
• Hearken to Flatteryes, nor conceive I can be beloved by a young woman.
• Be positive or opiniative.
• Sett up for observing all these Rules, for fear I should observe none.